I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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