my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
