Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
