I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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