its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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