please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
