You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
