my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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