i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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