D3 body, D1 cock
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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