I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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