Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
