I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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