dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
