the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
