Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it hurts more in the daytime
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
