i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
