My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
