Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
