haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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