OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
