I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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