is wine microwaveable?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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