Yo dont text me then not text me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I AM VODKA MAN
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
