I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
