I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
