I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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