I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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