Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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