wanna go halves on a baby?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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