ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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