i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Send help, water and tortillas.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
