How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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