non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
