I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
