i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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