I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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