from now on my penis is your penis
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
