did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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