my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
