Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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