you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
