She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
