am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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