I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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