We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
