During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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