Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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