I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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