some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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