Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
